Photo: Casey Durgin Photography
From your grandmother to your mother-in-law, everyone seems to have a different idea of what is appropriate when it comes to wedding etiquette. Since many traditions have been followed and relied on for decades, you may be questioning whether certain rules still apply to modern celebrations. “Wedding etiquette is designed to help guide you into the uncharted territory of planning a large-scale event – and with that comes the feelings of many people. His feelings as well as those of his family, friends and guests, ”explains Amy Shey Jacobs of Chandelier Events in New York City.
One of the most important rules of etiquette for staying true to timing. How long do you have to send a thank you note? How about a gift? “Being punctual can save you from tears and stress, and that goes both ways. Follow the schedule and you will certainly be glad you did, ”he adds.
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Here’s the how late is too late guide to all things wedding etiquette, straight from the pros.
If you are going to get married….
Submit a safe date: at least six months before the wedding
Unless you have a very short engagement, Weinberg says it’s appropriate to allow six months for guests to plan travel arrangements, in case they need to travel for your celebration. This period increases if you have a destination wedding, where nine months is more normal for international nuptials. And while some couples decide to have a “B” list of people to invite in case the “A” list can’t make it, Leah Weinberg of Color Pop Events in Long Island City is opposed to this tactic. It’s bad wedding etiquette to send someone to save the date and then “uninvite” them by not sending an invitation. I don’t like having a B-list because guests who never received an invitation to save the date, but who eventually receive an invitation, will know they were a second option, ”he explains.
Send a thank you note for a wedding gift: Two weeks if you receive it before, three months if you receive it on or after the wedding.
As one of the most anticipated pieces of mail for guests after spending the dough on a wedding gift, a new piece of clothing, and a hotel stay, posting those thank you notes is one of the top points. off your to-do list after your honeymoon. But did you know that if you receive a gift before your wedding date, you should go ahead and thank the guest, even before the wedding takes place? If your guest brings a wrapped box or envelope on the day of the celebration, you can give yourself three months to write something nice in appreciation. “I’m a big advocate of following proper wedding etiquette in this case, because if you send out thank you notes on an ongoing basis, you won’t be overwhelmed after the wedding with dozens and dozens of thank you notes to write,” she says.
Photo: David Lemp Photography
If you are a wedding guest….
Send a gift for a wedding you cannot attend: Up to one year from the wedding date, but preferably sooner
Even if you can’t get off work, take a trip to a destination ceremony, or just don’t want to attend the wedding, it is still the right wedding gift tag to send a token of your gratitude for the invitation. And of course, to celebrate the couple. Weinberg shares while technically speaking you have up to a year to send the gift, the sooner the better. “I always suggest the practice of sending a wedding gift the moment you answer no, so you don’t forget to send something. Plus, you won’t leave the couple hanging, wondering if they’re ever going to get anything from you, ”he explains.
Send a gift to a wedding you attend: Up to one year from the wedding date, but preferably sooner.
You couldn’t believe how stunning the bride looked as she headed towards her future wife. Or how elegant the reception turned out to be, with a cake that didn’t taste as good as others. The wine overflowed, as did the champagne, and you’d give the entire experience to 10 out of 10. The label says you have a year to send your gift, but Weinberg suggests doing it much earlier, out of respect and well, kindness. “If you are attending someone’s wedding and you don’t send a gift in advance or bring one on the wedding day, the couple is going to start wondering. So don’t put them through that, ”he explains. “If you decide to wait until the wedding day to make the gift, please do not bring a physical gift and just bring a card instead. Trust me, the couple doesn’t want to have to take their registration items home after the wedding. “
RSVP to a Wedding: For the date of the invitation (duh)
It seems pretty self-explanatory, but Weinberg says you’d be surprised how many wedding guests ignore this seemingly minor etiquette detail, leaving the bride and groom with the awkward chores of asking dozens of people if they want chicken, fish, or nothing at all. Not only is it inconsiderate to leave them hanging since they extended the invitation specifically to you, but it also puts them in a bind for contracts and financial requirements. “In the event that you are a guest who has never married, an accurate guest count is super important for couples because they have to pay per person. Most caterers and venues like to have that final tally a few weeks before the wedding, ”adds Weinberg.