BrideFeed Editors
Photo: Riverland Studios
When I was a future wife, I received two questions with alternating frequency: “How did you know that Joe was the one?” (Easy: he never called me crazy, he was annoying with laundry, he put up with me to the point that, in fact, I’m crazy.) And: “How did you find the perfect wedding dress?” The answer to this question was not so easy. In fact, it never happened, I’ve been married for over a year and I’m still not sure if my wedding dress was The Chosen One. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, I felt amazing all day, and I can’t help but smile every time I see it waving in the breeze for my wedding photos. But still… “The Chosen One?” How do I know that when there are millions of dresses out there – thousands of thousands that I have never seen, and hundreds of new ones that are dreamed of every day?
The first step in finding out if you have found Him in a dress is to stop trying to find Him in a dress. There may never be a dress that you think is 100 percent the best for you, compared to all the others, certainly literally so perfect that you will never feel a single hint of excitement again while looking at a single wedding dress. So why is it so (relatively) easy to feel this way about the person you are going to marry? Probably because they are…. alive. And have, like, a personality. This makes the criteria a bit more specific. A dress can’t do any of that – all it can do is look good on you – which is something a lot of dresses can do (because you’re a total babe). To avoid all that pressure and impossible standards, try shifting your focus from finding “The One Dress” to finding “A Perfect Dress” instead. You’ll feel just as amazing in the resulting dress, minus a metric ton of anxiety.
Here are some tips on how to find the perfect wedding dress, and how to know when you have:
1. Try a little of everything.
You can go shopping for dresses with a silhouette – or even a specific dress – considering that you’re pretty sure you’re going to see 100 emoji here]. And, you may be right! But don’t fool yourself with the experience of seeing what the rest of the wedding dress world has to offer. Try on at least one dress in each silhouette (your stylist at the dress store will help you with that) and make sure you are a bit adventurous and try on styles that you would not normally like. This is important to do because you will never find a perfect dress if you don’t get a taste of everything out there – your favorite might be a lace mermaid, but you would never know if all you tried on were satin robes.
Photo: Lucas Rossi Photography
2. Feel what you don’t like.
This tip goes hand in hand with tip # 1. You can never find a dress that you really like if you don’t know what you really don’t like. It sounds a bit negative, but it’s true. When I was trying on dresses, I knew I wanted suspenders, but I wasn’t sure what style I wanted, so I tried on tons of different types of suspenders – chunky, almost strapless, strapless, halter, and so on and so forth. I found that the thick straps were overwhelming my build and made me feel bad in the dresses they were attached to, so I knew since then that I would only try on dresses with delicate straps, which helped me narrow down my search and find out what it was what I wanted most to make my dress stand out (my shoulders!). Removing entire categories, styles, fabrics and embellishments from dresses will also help prevent those moments many brides experience after buying a dress when they see a pretty dress and suddenly wonder if they made a big mistake. It is an easy trap to fall, but if you are armed with knowledge, it is also an easy trap to avoid.
3. Shop like you’re serious.
Don’t go shopping for half dresses, or you may leave empty-handed. If you have a mentality of, “I’m just looking today,” or “I feel bloated and horrible today,” all of these emotions will run counter to your goal of finding the perfect wedding dress. The truth is that there is a beautiful dress for you. In your budget. For your body. Out in the world. If you believe it, you will find it. (And you must believe it, because it’s true. Have you ever seen a girlfriend walk down the aisle naked?) Part of shopping like you means you have to go to the store with everything you need: strapless bra if you want to wear one, or even nipple pasties if that’s your thing, shoes in the height and overall style you’re thinking of, even any accessories that you feel are non-negotiable, like heirloom earrings. Other part? Feeling confident and focused. This could mean that you remove your hair the day you go shopping, that you put on a little more makeup than you normally would on a Saturday afternoon, that you don’t go out too late the night before so that you feel fresh and without a hangover, And even go shopping only if you feel like certain friends or family members will distract or overwhelm you.
4. Take photos.
Duh! You will want photos of all your favorite tests. Pictures help us see ourselves differently than we see ourselves in a mirror, and they will give you a lot to ponder if you’re not ready to buy, but lean heavily towards one or a few options. Also, seeing how photographs of a dress are important because while your wedding day is the whole point of the dress, it is only one day – it is your wedding photos that live on for generations. However, once you buy a dress, it is time to delete all the photos of all the dresses you tried on, the worst thing you can do is obsess over the dresses you did not choose!
Photo: Sarah Bradshaw Photography
5. Be demanding.
Not ordering cilantro in a Mexican restaurant is annoying. However, not ordering tulle at a bridal shop when it comes to buying wedding dresses? That is getting what you want. There is no way to be too picky when shopping for clothes, as long as you are polite and realistic with your advisor. But if you stop out of fear of being too bossy or too “bridal,” you may miss out on finding the perfect wedding dress, and shopping for the wedding dress isn’t exactly something you’ll have to do again! That being said, be honest, be persistent, and make the most of your time at the bridal shop, trust me, your dress consultant has seen it all, and it’s literally her job to give you exactly what you want. So, do you want to try on that dress for the fifth time? Do you want something a little different? Do you want to try on the veil with the sash and the earrings? Do you want to try that dress that goes totally against everything you said you wanted an hour before? You can do it, and you should ask. (And don’t forget to say please and thank you.)
6. Know when it’s time to say “Yes!”
As I described at the beginning of this post, I’m not so sure there is such a thing as “The Chosen One” when it comes to wedding dresses. For me, there was not an important moment where time froze and a choir of angels began to sing and I looked at myself in the mirror and suddenly felt that there was no other dress on earth for me. Instead, the whole experience was much more subtle: I had tried on many dresses on various dates over the course of a month or so, was a bit overwhelmed and stressed and juggling a lot of “favorites”, but none of them were. it felt all right. She’d had a lovely lunch with friends, along with some champagne, and we were all in a good mood when we got to the dress store. I tried on my fluid Leanne Marshall and loved how it looked. I felt excited and pretty and ready to finally get married in a dress that felt like “me.” I tried on a few more after that, but already I knew it was decided, I bought the dress that afternoon. Were there tears? A shouting declaration to the world? (“I’m saying YES to the DRESS!”) No, just a lot of smiles, some nervousness and relief. When you try on the dress that will finally be yours, you may not feel that burst of excitement that they talk about on television, and that’s okay. What you should feel is beautiful, excited and ready. You should feel ready to stop shopping, ready to make this commitment, and ready to make your grand debut as a bride dressed in this dress. If all of that sounds good to you (bonus points if your mom is crying somewhere in the locker room), then congratulations, you’ve found a perfect dress! If not, keep looking, I promise you will get there. You just have to let yourself go.
7. Love the person you are with.
Like your fiancé (e), wedding dresses have horrible and basically non-existent return policies. So once you have yours, it’s yours. This can be both an incredibly relieving feeling (“I’m done shopping for dresses forever!”) And depressing (“Am I done shopping for dresses… forever?”). This phase is the first real estate to doubt, dress FOMO, and other general dire feelings to sneak up and rain on your parade – take from someone you know. Even though I continued to love my dress after buying it, every time I saw new releases advertised in my favorite dress stores, it gave me a feeling of panic in my chest: was there something better there that I would like more and that now I could never? to have? The answer to this common problem is: Too bad. You just have to love the person you are with, and take all necessary steps to freeze the guilty who induce doubt. Stop reading wedding magazines and blogs, ditch the dress designers on social media, and as I mentioned earlier, delete photos of yourself in other tests on your phone. There’s only one dress you should be obsessed with right now, and it’s the one you’ve put down a $ 1,000 deposit that’s being sewn to your exact measurements at a tailor’s shop somewhere. Can’t shake the feeling that you’ve got the wrong one? Brain Hacking: Imagine your partner’s face when they see you with her for the first time. Suddenly it becomes correct. (It always works.)
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