Photo: Jasmine Rose Photography
Make the decision to spend the rest of your life with just one person, something very important. It’s exciting though, but it’s not a conclusion that you come to when you wake up on the right side of your bed on a Saturday morning. Countless factors come into play, including how well you get along, your different personal backgrounds, how long you’ve been together, and your hopes and dreams for the future. So even if you really think you’ve found the right person, whether it’s your high school boyfriend or someone you’ve dated for a few months, it’s important that you take the time and energy to consider whether you are destined for. be.
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To help you streamline the process, we asked top relationship experts to tell us how to tell if your OS is really the one.
You fight without exaggeration.
“Fighting is normal, but the way people fight can predict a lot about longevity in a relationship,” says Dr. Dawn Michael, clinical sexologist, relationship expert and author of My Husband Won t Have Sex With Me . “If couples can stay on topic when arguing to resolve issues, then fighting is productive, but if couples start to bring up the past or result in name calling or even yelling, this can predict negative effects on the relationship. ”. One thing is for sure: The fight will not stop once you have jumped down the hall together, so it is important that you focus on the fair fight with some level of serenity and respect now to ensure that your future is filled with marital bliss.
You do not want or expect this person to change.
In other words, you know that you love your partner because of the exact person he or she is right now and not just because of his or her potential. To put it bluntly, if you are marrying someone because they are so smart that you think they will make a lot of money in the future, your hand is in the wrong cookie jar. “Sometimes we think that if our partner could get a better job, become more interested in our lives, or just spend more time together, things would be great,” explains Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and therapist. marriage and family license. “While certain issues can be addressed, others may have a relationship at some point.”
They share similar values.
If you haven’t figured this out in your relationship yet, worrying about the same things is incredibly important to your future happiness as a couple. This can be anything from where you prefer to live, perhaps in the country or in the city, how much time you like to spend with your friends and family, and whether or not you want to have children and how many you would like to have. “You should have a comfortable compatibility with your partner when it comes to your mutual goals,” says Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop selfishness from ruining your relationship . “Specifically when it comes to each other’s families, it should feel as if each of you is expanding and gaining members, rather than leaving your own family.”
You have a sexual chemistry.
Sex and intimacy is like the glue that maintains a relationship. If you’re not having it as often or aren’t always in sync when it comes to when or how to get off, that’s normal, says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Different Loving . However, if you get to a point where you literally can’t imagine having sex with your spouse, it may be time to face the facts and move on. “Working with a therapist will help you figure out what went wrong and determine if the attraction really is gone or if you are just hiding behind a wall of anger and miscommunication,” he says.
You are making a conscious decision to marry this person.
“This means that they have examined not only how they feel emotionally about each other, but also practical issues, such as their value systems, life goals, communication, and general compatibility,” explains Dr. Van Kirk. If you are only with your partner for fear of being alone, for example, it is not a reason for you to get married. There is a fallacy in the phrase “you complete me” in the movie Jerry maguire ,” she says. Everyone must be able to enter into a relationship as a whole person so that both can feel that they have something equal to contribute.