Given the fact that people tend to marry later than previous generations, it is natural that we have more serious past relationships before settling down. This is generally a good thing, as we can learn more about what we do and what we don’t want in an important partner. It gives us a chance to test the dating waters before settling for a person to spend the rest of our days with. However, there are some negatives. It could kill you to imagine the hard and cold fact that the love of your life was once totally in love with someone else. While we certainly don’t recommend that you replay scenes from their love story over and over in your head, it’s not a bad idea to broach the subject from time to time with your OS.The more you know about their past romantic affairs, it’s not always better, but you should know certain things.
Table of Contents
Read on to find out what’s worth knowing about your love’s past relationships.
Why did they break up
Did they part ways amicably or was it a complicated breakup? This could be important to you should your relationship end. If the hoax had something to do with the reason they broke up, and it was your commanding officer’s fault, you need to know. “An episode of cheating trust breach can be fixed and amended, but a history of multiple episodes of cheating is a sign of a bigger problem,” cautions Fran Walfish, Psy.D., a Beverly Hills relationship and family psychotherapist. author of The Self-Aware Parent.
How they dealt with the conflict
Whether you’ve started dating your partner seriously or have been together for years, you may already have an idea of how he or she tends to deal with conflict. Some people like to approach it head-on, while others tend to be more passive. How your partner resolved communication problems and arguments with previous romantic partners can be a mirror of how he or she will handle them with you. “You need to know from your past relationships that you have a participant willing to engage in open communication without defensive posturing,” says Walfish. “You want to know that your partner has self-examination skills and a capacity for responsibility that will not always blame you for problems that arise.”
If you ever had an STD
Assuming your partner was sexually active with your ex, it is worth asking whether or not he or she was exposed to any STDs during previous relationships. While some, such as chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis are curable, others, such as herpes, hepatitis B, HIV, and HPV, are incurable, meaning they will stay with you for life. “You both have the right to know in advance what health they are in and if there is anything they are concerned about from a previous partner,” says Audrey Hope, a celebrity relationship in Los Angeles, California.
If they owe money to someone
Whatever the reason, if your partner is making payments to an ex, you should know about it, especially if the two of you are considering getting married and merging your bank accounts. “This information is vital because as you embark on a legal relationship, you are now responsible as one,” says Hope. “Their debt and money problems become yours, so you should be fully aware of what you are getting into.”
If your OS has regrets
Has your partner totally got over your ex? Although you probably don’t want to ask this question, it doesn’t hurt to do your research. You deserve to understand how the relationship fell apart. By learning this from your partner, you can gauge how you feel about how you ended up. Do you regret something? “This gives you an idea of how much self-reflection your SO does and how much responsibility they are willing to take on when you have relationship problems,” says Julienne B. Derichs, LCPC in Highwood, Illinois.